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It's that time again, Queen. Let's jump right into it and break down Summer's Best You Challenge while getting prepared for Fall's challenge.
BUT FIRST! For all of the new Queens who have recently joined the Phorbe Queendom, let's break down what exactly the #BestYouChallenge is. 3 things!
1. There are 4B’s in the Phorbe Queendom: Be Bold, Be Blessed, Be Beautiful, Be the Best You, You can Be! We interact most with these four tenants here on the Phorbe Blog.
2. “Best You” is our fourth B/Tenant. It reminds us that we are ALWAYS a work in progress. We don’t know everything and so we should remain open to learning and trying new things. While it’s important to remain in the present, the systems, routines and habits we create now can help shape our future for the better. “Best You” is our reminder that we are always striving to reach the BEST version of ourselves.
3. Our Best You Challenges are my way to keep the ball rolling and encourage you to continue reaching for that Best Version of you. You know they say, to create a new habit you need to practice that habit every day for at least twenty-one days. Now, we’ve been doing Best You Challenges since 2018 and since then, scientists have changed their minds on the amount of time needed to really and truly create a habit. Some have said 60 days. Others have said 6 weeks. For that reason, we tried something new with our current challenge and have been going at it all Summer. I think this worked so well, that we will continue to host our challenges per season instead of per month.
Speaking of our current challenge, let's break down how our Summer #BestYouChallenge has been going!
Phorbe's Summer '22 #BestYouChallenge Check-In
This Summer we decided to set the intention every day to let go and stop sweating the big, little, bad, good, ugly, and beautiful things. We are learning to go with the flow and let God, Budhha, and the Universe do what they do best.
Our challenge was to start every day with a prayer/affirmation stating we are letting go and expressing gratitude for three things in our lives.
As always, I've been posting my progress on this challenge on our Instagram Stories every day. My goal is always to show you rather than just tell you.
When we first started this challenge way back in June, I was struggling with the idea of taking a break. My therapist challenged me not to set any goals for the entire Summer. I came back to her and said no, I'm going to write and market, launch, and sell an e-course, start public speaking, and digging deeper into my sharing my story to help others.
In two weeks, I had barely done anything to get the e-course off the ground and had written 1 paragraph of a keynote speech.
Upon further looking into this behavior with my therapist, we found that I am indeed struggling with my position of being safe right now. I am not homeless right now. I am not broke right now. When I want food, I go to my refrigerator and grab it or I order it. I spend my weekends hanging out half naked at the beach or running around Disneyland with my inner child. My bills are always paid before the first of the month. I no longer have a crazy manipulative roommate to deal with. I am truly in the best place I have ever been in my life and you would think I would be okay, but I am not. I am strug-g-ling. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Feeling ants and anxious that I'm not doing enough. Most importantly, while I am proud of myself and how far I've come, I am not yet where I want to be and am struggling with this state of being in between.
Then we started this challenge. 83 days later, I am on a soft vacation, as in I have reduced the number of times I post on TikTok from 8 to 1 and I am not creating any new content. I have no goals ahead of me. I am truly taking my life day by day and just trying to find happiness.
This challenge reminded me that even though I'm in between where I am and where I want to be, I still deserve to be happy and there is happiness to be found right now. I may not be living my BEST life right now, but I am still living good and I have so much to be grateful for.
This challenge also reminded me that I don't have to work myself into the ground to find success. It showed me that I need to redefine what success means to me, because it no longer means overworking myself and beating myself up when I don't live up to my usual #Hustler mentality. I can rest. I can take time to enjoy my life and there is nothing wrong with that. I keep thinking I'm running out of time, when every move I make has already been planned out. I will make it to where I need to go and I will make it there right on time. In the meantime, I just need to focus on my joy, right here and right now.
Finally, this challenge has gotten me in the habit of spending more time being present. I make it a point now, during my morning walks, to come into the present. I take a moment to activate all of my senses. I think of what I see. Think of what I smell. Think of what I can taste, what I feel. I even take a moment to reach out my hand and touch something nearby.
Even when this challenge ends next week, I will continue to set my intention every morning of remaining present and letting go so God can put in his work. I have come so far in such a short amount of time, that I can't even bare to think about going back to feeling lost and lazy.
Phorbe's Fall '22 #BestYouChallenge
Our next challenge stems from conversations I've had in the last few weeks with my therapist, similar to our current challenge.
In the last three weeks, I have come to the realization thanks to my bomb ass #BetterHelp therapist:
1. I am still running from my trauma
When I came up with the idea of creating an e-course it was around the notion of using my time of being homeless and quarantined in a car at the height of a global pandemic as the catalyst to help spark inspiration and action in people who feel stuck in their struggles right now. However, I didn't realize, until now, that I am still very much traumatized from the whole experience and talking about it is still a struggle. My course isn't out because I have yet to face this trauma. Yet instead of facing the trauma, I need to so that I can create this e-course or any other purpose-driven ideas that I've been stuck on, I'd rather just not do them.
2 .NO WONDER WHY
Last week, my therapist and I, inadvertently created a timeline of my life from 6 to 11 years old. In those five years, my father took me from my mother's home as he deemed his home was safer for me to live in. Under his care, I was sexually assaulted by his daughter-in-law. My mother kidnapped me back. Sometime later, I was sexually assaulted again by my cousins in my aunt's home. When I spoke up about this, I was made a pariah in the family. A few weeks later, my aunt kicked my mom, brother, and me out of her home. A couple of months later, a distant cousin kicked us out of her home in the middle of the night (because god told her it was time). During this time, I was saddled with the responsibility of watching after my toddler-aged younger brother. When I was left home alone to care for him, Child Protective Services intervened, separated my brother and me from my mother, and forced us to go back and live with my aunt because, surprisingly, she was a foster mother and her home was deemed safer than my mom's home. While under my aunt's care, I was subject to further sexual assault by my older cousins and one of my aunt's foster kids, then sent to spend the summer with my grandparents were my grandfather tortured me with further sexual assault sprinkled on top with a bit of physical abuse. I could go on, but I'll stop right there.
The point is:
No wonder why. Young Jasmine never had a chance because she was never given a chance to breathe. While I have done a lot of work with the trauma of growing up homeless, I still have the trauma of a childhood of sexual assault, physical abuse, mental abuse, and neglect that I have almost suppressed. No wonder why I feel uncomfortable with my success. No wonder why I'm waiting, almost hoping, for the other shoe to drop. No wonder why I want to beat myself up every time I don't live up to the ridiculously high standards I've set for myself. No wonder why I'm a control freak. No wonder why I am socially awkward. No wonder why!
3. Loving Myself Enough to Face the Hurt
All of this brings me to last week's session where I was trying to come to terms with what to do with the information that I have learned. It seemed like my therapist and I kept going around in circles. She was trying to see how there was room for me to allow myself to be happy right now because I have made it so far. However, I cannot get past the fact that I have not made it far enough. My therapist asked me how many times in the last 100 days have I woken up and been 100% happy with who I am. My answer...0.
Now it's unrealistic for that number to ever be 100/100. But I can at least work to get that number to 50. My therapist and I decided from then on that the two things I needed to focus on moving forward are 1. continuing to face my trauma with her as we have been doing and 2. learning to love myself enough to keep going beyond the trauma of growing up homeless to face and overcome the deeper traumas that I have kept locked away.
With all that being said, Fall's #BestYouChallenge is a self-love challenge. If you've been following Phorbe on Instagram, you know I like to go on self-care dates every week and I call them #QueenMe dates. This Fall, we're taking that to the extreme. Every day of Fall 2022, I am committed to dating myself and falling in love with the current me. I challenge you to join me in this committement.
What is the #QueenMe Challenge?
I once heard that in order to keep the spark alive, a married couple should commit to spending time together. Specifically, a couple should spend at least 20 minutes together a day, 2 hours together per week, 2 days together per month, and two weeks together per year. We're going to claim that for our #BestYouChallenge this season and commit that time to ourselves.
EVERY DAY OF THE CHALLENGE
We will commit to spending at least twenty minutes with ourselves. In that 20 minutes, we will take a photo of ourselves and write down 3 things:
1 thing that brought us joy that day
1 thing that we like about ourselves that day
1 thing that we are proud of ourselves for accomplishing (either on or before that day)
EVERY WEEK OF THE CHALLENGE
We will commit to spending 2 hours with ourselves doing something we enjoy doing
EVERY MONTH OF THE CHALLENGE (October, November, December)
We will commit to spending two days with ourselves doing something we enjoy doing
For those of you who like to overthink and over-complicate things, like me, this time can not overlap. The 20 minutes you spend with yourself every day does not count towards the 2 hours per week which also does not count towards the two days per month.
HOW TO ENTER THE CHALLENGE
The first official day of Fall is this Friday, September 23rd. So the challenge will run from September 23rd through Wednesday, December 21st.
To join, all you have to do is send me a direct message on Instagram saying: “I’m in”. Everyone who joins the challenge will receive exclusive direct message videos, messages, and content to help motivate you throughout the Fall to keep going and finish the challenge.
As always, you can follow my journey with the challenge through our Instagram Stories. I don't just talk the talk, I walk the walk as well. Plus, seeing me do it will be a great reminder of accountability for you and show you that it is, indeed, possible.
So, what do you say Queen? Are you ready to date the most important person in your life and spoil them rotten!?!?!?!?!
Step into the Queen you're Meant to Be and SLAY!
-Queen Maree