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Hey Queen,
It's that time of the month again. It's time to dive into out new Best You Challenge. If you're new to the Phorbe Queendom, every month we embark on a 21 day challenge to create a new positive habit in our lives. This habit is meant to help us on our journey towards reaching the best version of ourselves. This month's challenge is all about forgiveness. But first, before we jump into this month, let's recap last month's challenge.
July's Best You Challenge: Happy Meal
Having a happy meal at the end of my day was such a treat. I'm just going to say it right here and right now from the jump: I will be completing this task/habit every night before bed from now on. It's such a great way to cap off your day.
Coming up with three things that you're grateful for reminded me to look for joy and positivity in my day, even if it wasn't so great. Remembering something that made me happy every day allowed me a chance to reflect on that moment again and relive it before ending my day.
The hardest part for me was coming up with something I learned every day. That just showed me that I have some work to do in making sure that everyday I am dedicating some time to learning something and growing. This forced me to take a look back at my mid year check up and review my new goals. I have not been reading every day as I had planned to. So, it's time for me to get back into that groove. I have chosen to pick back up with The Artists Way in hopes to actually finish the full twelve weeks of the book/course.
Overall, I really enjoyed this challenge and I enjoy putting a positive twist on my day right before bed time.
August's Best You Challenge: Choosing Forgiveness
In the past month, I have had to block both of my parents, a mentor, and one of my brothers. When you don't have many people to begin with, cutting off anyone is a hard thing to do; especially family members. However, I decided that I would no longer deal with toxicity just to be able to call someone one of my people. So, I blocked them and have vowed not to speak to them for the foreseeable future.
As you may be aware, I have become very active on TikTok this year and I recently came across a TikTok that stated blocking people is actually toxic behavior. It allows you to just run away from confrontation instead of having a conversation and communicating your feelings. While this may be true in many instances, here are the reasons why this tik tok has got it all wrong:
The Relationship or lack thereof is not worth saving
In many instances there is no need for you to even try to salvage whatever relationship there may be. It could be that the relationship is new or never truly got off the ground. Or it could be that the toxicity of the relationship out weighs anything good that has come out of the relationship so far.
In these instances it is not your job to work with the other person to save what was never truly there in the first place. Instead, you need to focus on yourself and your well being. If this relationship is leaving you feeling drained, taken advantage of, or upset then it is not worth your time or continued attention.
Communication did not help
In many cases, it could be that you have already tried to communicate. You had a sit down with the person. You wrote a letter to the person. You brought in a mediator. You did everything that you could to save the relationship and nothing worked. If the person isn't willing to hear your side, compromise, or change their behavior, then you have every right to walk away for your own sanity.
The relationship has ran its course
Tyler Perry's Madea puts this best:
There are people who come into your life for a season to teach you something important and then we must let them go. They only had one purpose: to get you through one particular season, one chapter, one episode of your life. They do not fit into other seasons. Trying to force them to stay around is only going to bring you pain in the long run.
One of my favorite quotes from The Dark Knight, one of my favorite movies is: You either live long enough to become a hero or you die a villian. Asking a seasonal person to stay in your life is setting that relationship up to die disastrously. Instead, just let the relationship run its course and move on.
Of course, this is easier said than done. However, as Madea says, once you learn to love yourself more, it will become easier to move on. You'll find yourself weighing protecting yourself against that person and you'll find yourself choosing you.
Letting Go = Forgiveness
These are all really great reasons why it is okay to let go of relationships. However, in letting go of these relationships, it is important that we do not hold on to any animosity or negative feelings from the relationship or the people we have cut ties with. In fact, it is of the utmost importance that we learn to forgive these people for the failed relationship. If we do not, then we will continue to re-hurt and retrigger ourselves and in the end grow bitter towards a person who may have once held a special place in our hearts.
You've heard the saying: Forgiveness is not for them, it's for you? Well it's true. Forgiving someone helps you to truly move on from the pain that was inflicted and allows you to step into your new chapter with a little less baggage.
It is also true that forgiveness is not a one and done situation. It is something that you must recommit to in every step of your healing process. This may mean making the decision every day to forgive until all negative feelings have truly been replaced with respect and wisdom of how the relationship shaped your life.
So, what's the challenge
The challenge for this month, is to choose someone in your life who you still feel hostility towards. This will be the month where you will learn to forgive that person. In past blog posts on forgiveness, I have spoken about Oprah's conversation with Marianne Williamson a respected spiritual teacher. Oprah had been deeply hurt by someone close to her and she reached out to Marianne for guidance. Marianne told her in order to truly let go of all of the negative feelings Oprah was feeling towards this person, she would need to pray for their happiness for thirty days. See the conversation below:
For August's Best You Challenge we are going to take this sentiment one step further. Starting Thursday August 12th the challenge will be to write down one thing that person did to you that hurt you on a piece of paper. Then tear up the piece of paper. If there is was only one transgression, write that one instance down every day on a new sheet of paper and tear it up. Make sure to keep all of your torn bits of paper.
After you tear up your paper for the day, the next part of the challenge is to pray for that person's health and happiness. If prayer is not your thing, simply say out loud: I hope { insert the person's name} is happy and healthy.
On the last day of the challenge, collect all of your scraps of paper and destroy them or release them in any symbolic way you see fit. You can burn them and spread the ashes in the ocean. You can drown them in water and throw them away. Or you can physically bury them. The choice is up to you.
My hope for us with this challenge is that we have a chance to release unnecessary negativity that has been weighing us down and find respect and wisdom for the situation.
How to join the challenge
The challenge will begin on August 12th and run until September 1st . On the 12th, I will post the challenge's cover photo on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. To join the challenge, send me a DM saying: "I'm In". Then make sure you check in weekly for accountability and the chance to win free giveaways!
So Queens, what do you say? Are you ready to finally let go and step into the Queen you're meant to be?
-Queen Maree
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON AUGUST 11, 2021