Last night, I caught up on Red Table Talk, a show hosted by Jada Pinkett Smith, her daughter Willow Smith, and her mother Adrienne Banfield Jones or Gammy as we all call her. The show airs on Facebook watch and is basically a talk show centered around a red table and the lives of this three generations of women. It's a really great show, very inspiring and eye opening for those of you who are looking for some motivating TV.
In episode two of Red Table Talk, Surviving Loss, Queen Jada announces that there was a point in her life where she realized that she had lost herself. She asked herself what makes her happy, and she couldn't think of anything. A couple of episodes later, Girl Tripping with Gabrielle Union, Jada is sitting with Queen Gabrielle Union at the Red Table and Gabrielle is relaying her rock bottom story. She had just been divorced, her show had been cancelled, she was fighting with a lot of her day one friends and all of a sudden she found herself underneath her bed cradling her dog in the fetal position thinking "this must be what they mean by rock bottom".
Actually, I've heard this story before as Gabrielle wrote about this exact moment and everything that lead up to it in her New York Times Best Selling book "We're Going to Need More Wine: Stories that are Funny, Complicated and True. Upon finding herself in this hopeless predicament, Gabrielle started working with well known actress, fitness guru, and Life Coach to the stars AJ Johnson. Queen AJ put Gabrielle on a workout plan. One day as they were working out, boxing to be exact, AJ asked Gabrielle to name 10 things that make her happy. She came up with three: butter, imitation crab, and ground beef, and even those three were a struggle. AJ responded with a revelation, " no wonder why your marriage didn't work. You don't even know how to make yourself happy. So how do you expect someone else to make you happy?"
Having come across this revelation now three times in the last year it got me thinking: Do I know what makes me happy? So, I paused the show and I sat there and thought about it. Within fifteen minutes I had my list:
1. Creating memories with my younger siblings
2. Blaze Pizza and Mt. Dew
3.Making Others Happy
4.Learning Something New
5. Consuming Entertainment
6. Being Creative
8. Having a Group a Friends I can be Vulnerable With
9. Living a Productive Life
I was proud that I was able to come up with this list. To keep it real, lately I've been in a negative low energy mood. If you follow Phorbe on Instagram, you would know that I battle with chronic depression, this was that. I've been feeling restless and I haven't been able to pinpoint why. Knowing that I can put this list together made me realize that I'm not at a super low, low. But I'm still low all the same.
Which brings me to my next question to myself: Do I have or practice, in some way, shape, or form, the ten items on my list? I went through every item on my list and realized that five of them, the last five, I don't have or practice enough.
Queens, when I think about my life as it is right here and now, I am not happy. I've been feeling restless for the last few weeks because, I believe, deep down I knew this already. It took watching the show for the thought to click and rise to the surface.
So, now I am tasked with looking at my life as it is now and reviewing these five items and mapping out a plan for how I can get from point A to point B. I am confident that I can do this. I have read so many books and lived so much life that I am familiar with this journey and am excited to take it. In fact, I will like to bring Phorbe along with me on this search to find my happy place again.
One thing I have learned recently is that happiness is not a final destination, but something we will always be working for or to keep. It's okay if you're not happy all the time. In fact, my life is actually great right now. I'm my own boss, I love what I'm doing with Ridesharing, Phorbe, RYTMO, and Big Brother Big Sister. I am actually in a pretty good place. However, I am capable, I want, and I need more. I listen to a lot of Ryan Secrest on KISS FM in the mornings while I'm driving and last week, one of his quotes of the day was " You deserve the world, even if you have to give it to yourself". Queens, I am ready to gift myself the world.
So, let's get to it. Next week, we will be returning to our normally schedule program of two blog posts a week on Mondays and Wednesdays. Tomorrow's blog post actually works perfect for the place I find myself in today. If you remember, the last time we spoke about the first B or Phorbe, Bold, we talked about discovering your purpose. After that, I wanted to dive into how to create goals that will allow you to walk in your purpose. We are still going to discuss that same topic, but in a more broader point of view. Right now, I need to set goals to get from where I am to my happy place and I will show you how you can do the same and reach the life you want as well.
Will you follow me on this journey?
All you have to do to get started is create your list of 10 things that make you happy. Then decide which one of those items you need to focus on more. Meet me back here tomorrow, to learn how you can turn each one of those items into an actionable and reachable goal.
Until then, it's a beautiful day to conquer the world. So go forth and slay!
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED JUNE 17, 2018