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getting candid on aces live


I recently sat down for my second podcast interview this past Sunday. I joined Cendie Stanford, Shamara Moore, and Princess Shaw on ACES Live to discuss growing up in adverse situations and how that affects us well into our adult years.

I was so nervous about this one because it was live. I've been live before in college for our student-led news show. Yet, those short two-three minute news segments are nothing compared to an hour-long discussion about some of the worst moments in your life. As it turns out, my fear was just preparing me for a much-needed lesson and reminder.

ACES Live is a podcast hosted by the nonprofit ACES Matter; an organization dedicated to bringing awareness to Adverse Childhood Experiences (aka ACEs). The organization was founded by Queen Cendie Stanford in an effort to bring awareness to what adverse childhood experiences are in order to educate parents and adults who are dealing with the long-term effects of ACEs.

I didn't know there was a term for what I've been going through. Of course, I know that growing up homeless was not my fault. I know that it wired my brain to think a certain way and that's not my fault either. However, when you get bogged down with hustle and bustle of life, it can be difficult to remember what you know and give yourself some grace.

In the last few weeks, I've been a bit rough on myself. You know that breaking point that everyone talks about? That point where you are just tired of repeating the same cycle and you are ready to start doing differently so that you can create different in your life? Yeah, I'm at that point. I have been pushing myself to replace unhealthy habits with positive habits--which is all good. However, if I mess up, I am not kind to myself.

Speaking with three Queens who all have a similar story to mine reminded me that I am not alone. It reaffirmed that it is okay for me to make mistakes. Healing is a process and it takes time. It won't happen overnight and that's okay too. As long as I put my best foot forward with a positive mindset and good intentions, I am on the right track.

Something Shamara said, that will always stick with me is that my story is recognized. It is felt because it is known by so many people. When I started sharing my story on TikTok at the beginning of the year I felt weird by all of the views, likes, and comments I was getting. I didn't think I deserved them because I am not healed. I am not 100% happy. I am healing...with an "ing" and still making mistakes along the way. The imposter syndrome hit me hard. So much so, I shied away from sharing anymore. However, a part of my purpose is to share what I've been through in order to help others, especially those facing trauma right now. Hearing Shamara say those words and talking with the other Queens on ACEs Live reminded me of that.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to meet and speak with Cendie, Shamara, and Princess. I'm even more grateful for the lessons and affirmation that I gained from the experience.

If you're in need of a reminder, you can watch the full recap of our conversation on the Aces Matter Instagram page:

To learn more about ACES Matter, check out their website here!

Thank you so much for your support Queen and for tunning into all things Phorbe and Queen Maree. This is just the beginning. Stay tuned...I'm getting ready to kick it up a notch! ;)

-Queen Maree


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